dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
