:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
