my mouth tastes like poor choices
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize