oh god the rape fog is back!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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