is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
