be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
