Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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