Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
