rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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