peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Mom said you looked used
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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