She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
