This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
