She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
