R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
