I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
