I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
