Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
