At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
