go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
