He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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