If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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