im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How drunk are you?
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