I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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