i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
