Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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