woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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