I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
