well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
