my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
