I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
