There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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