Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
