Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
