I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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