White coat. Heels.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
