apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
