My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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