So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize