Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
