ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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