In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
