i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
