first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
