If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
