I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I smell stomach acid.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
