Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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