i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
