well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
