will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
