i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize