Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
