Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
