Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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