scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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