she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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