my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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