Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
