It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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