I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
