Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
