I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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