Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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