i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
