..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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