Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
