The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
