Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
