You really coming over, don't trick.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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