All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
