Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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