Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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