We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
