I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
