Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
