I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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